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My response to this over the last decade and a half as a published author has been complicated and evolutionary in nature. Right back at the beginning, so near as I can now recall, I think I felt a tiny bit embarrassed that they might be right, and I covered for it by being richly dismissive of the charge. Later on, I either started to believe my own propaganda or just gained the courage of my convictions, take your pick, and I just flat-out knew they were wrong.
End of. Then I wrote some gay sex into a book, and I was pretty damn sure there was nothing gratuitous about that. Go figure. There we have it, then — a scene in a book or a movie, be it one of sex or one of violence, which does not absolutely drive the plot or the characters forward in some way, is gratuitous.
Take a classic of the medium, Max Payne. You play as a burnt out undercover cop called — well, you guessed that bit, right? The truth is that you play the game for the experiential thrill of the action. The story is just a — very stylish — framework to hold up those eight hours of super-cool leaping, dodging and shooting.
With the story comes emotional context, pacing, a defined path from start to finish, sure — but all those things exist in service of the action. They are there primarily as a delivery system for the vicarious thrill of shooting down a thousand bad guys in bullet-time slowmo and coming out of it victorious at the end.