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One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole.
One of them was not. In our culture, many of us idealize love. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff—all of the hard stuff? We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love.
And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.
These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Love is an emotional process. Compatibility is a logical process. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right. When dating and looking for a partner , you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles.