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Continue to pray for me. I think a few of my balls are dropping. He thinks neither should be a concern of mine. When he has too much to drink, his verbal cocky language, insinuations, and controlling attitude are horrible. He thinks nothing of drinking beers at one time. He was on lithium years ago for this. I am so tired of this relationship with him. I want to do what God wants me to do. I know that with God He can handle this marital issue. I just need to release it totally to Him. Please give me guidance on setting up specific boundaries and consequences.

Thank you. Answer: In my book, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong I introduced the idea of the Gift of Consequences as a loving gesture to help wake a spouse up to behaviors or attitudes that were affecting or destroying the marriage.

This particular gift of love often does not feel loving to the one receiving it at the time. Specifically in your situation you need to ask yourself the question how does his behaviors affect you? What would be a natural consequence for someone who treats you that way?

Now, the problem for you when you implement this consequence is that perhaps it has no impact on him. In fact, he may prefer you to leave him alone. This is where it gets tricky. The consequence we implement we want to also have impact. Stop cleaning up his messes — cans, ashes, dirty glasses, vomit. But you have to live there too so it impacts you too. Refuse to lie or cover up for him to others work, family, neighbors for his foolish behavior while drunk or high.