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ALANY ESCORT

I talk a lot in my speeches about how people bring their own work culture with them when they come to work in Denmark, but they also bring their own dating culture. Lots of people seem to wonder who my husband is, by the way.

If you look me up in Google, the predictive text after my name is… Kay Xander Mellish husband. Apparently people are searching for that. But I am on the various dating apps, which is one of the two main ways people meet each other in Denmark these days — the other being friend circles, which as an international can take a while to get into. People used to meet at work, but metoo has made a big imprint in Denmark. I do see a lot of the Danish version of status-seeking, which is time off and the ability to travel to exotic locations and engage in extreme sports — lots of windsurfing and scuba-diving photos.

You can have known each other for three weeks or thirty years. You can certainly buy a home and have kids without being married — the Danish government will even pay for your fertility treatment. But — back to the beginning. For the first date, you do not have to buy anything impress them. Flowers, poetry, a fancy restaurant — this will make a Danish person very uncomfortable.

Compliments tend to make them uncomfortable. I tell internationals that a first date in Denmark can always be a walk in nature and a cup of coffee. Or a beer, if you prefer. Whatever it is, turn off your phone, give the other person your full attention, and talk. In Denmark, time, particularly free time, is the most valuable thing anyone has to offer another person. Just a note, it is standard on dates for each person to pay for their own coffee or beer or even dinner. I know in some dating cultures, the woman expects the man to pay for things, make her feel like a princess, maybe plan the date and choose the restaurant, open doors, pull out chairs, and generally take the leading role.

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