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Do you remember the Freshman Fifteen? When emotional eating and late night snacking made even your sweatpants feel unpleasantly snug? I was way past that, another dozen pounds past that. My eyes blurred with self-pity. Starting over. I had frown lines and newly gray hairs. Brian had a smug expression and air of satisfaction. Before I could understand or appreciate her words, she scowled at the row of men sitting reading newspapers or fiddling with their cell phones.
Flames of humiliation scorched my cheeks, sucking heat upwards like a forest fire, as one of the younger men leapt to his feet. Please, have my seat. My wife said that being pregnant was like carrying a baby elephant for the last two months. Tears fell from my eyes and my voice wobbled as I thanked him and the older lady. I slumped into the seat as I let my hair fall across my face, attempting to hide my misery. Six months of separation plus five months of divorce had led me to gorge on muffins and cookie dough ice cream, feeding my unhappiness.
At least I had my vacation to enjoy. I needed to re-boot my life in so many ways, and this was the week I was going to start. I knew I needed to break the pattern of negative and self-loathing behavior. I knew I needed to stop the emotional eating and late-night snacking see above , and I knew this was my chance for a clean slate—healthy eating and taking care of myself. Almost perfect. I wish Ella could have come as well, but this was her special treat for me.
And she was taking care of Winston while I was away. Le Sigh. The Amtrak train was crowded when we left NYC, but as we headed further north towards the Adirondacks, city commuters gradually disgorged, until I was one of just a handful of people who got out at Elizabethtown.