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Parents are often baffled to see their otherwise bright, happy and caring child lashing out verbally or physically, to see them pushing or hitting , perhaps purposely and angrily throwing or breaking items or defiantly shouting at their parent and storming off. Developing impulse control and emotional self-regulation skills is big work for children.
Developing impulse control and emotional regulation takes a few years. You can particularly expect an increase in defiance or aggression at times of extra stress relating to changes like a new sibling, moving house, change of caregiver, increased conflict amongst parents or starting school.
But regardless of their age, stage or contributing factors, children need a lot of help when they are regularly being defiant, destructive or aggressive. Working with the approaches I teach in this article and through my eCourses will help children regardless of what the underlying issues are. T here may also be a place for gaining an assessment from a psychologist. They need the limits that help to keep everyone safe. This is what allows them to feel safe and secure, to move through the difficult feelings that life brings.
Rather than just trying to stop them acting aggressively regardless of how they feel, ultimately we need to help them so that the urge to be aggressive decreases. But they struggle to self-regulate without our help. Sometimes this means physical intervention, while responding with as much calm confidence and empathy as we can muster when they do lash out.
