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And when that someone happens to be your spouse, the sense of betrayal is even more profound. How can you rebuild trust when your spouse has lied to you? There are many reasons your spouse may be dishonest with you. People often lie not necessarily to deceive, but to protect their own ego. But by the same token, they have to be willing to start to come clean, because regardless of the reasons for their dishonesty, lying is a toxic practice that will eventually break down your marriage.

When someone is actively deceptive on a large scale, is deliberately deceiving you and hurting you and others, they have holes in their conscience. Clinically, we refer to these people as sociopaths or psychopaths—in other words, people lacking the normal sense of guilt that most others feel when engaging in activities that are morally wrong and hurtful to others.

It might be; then again, it might not. How can you confront this in a way that will be productive? There are a few different ways of dealing with dishonesty, depending on what the root of it is. If your spouse is lying to protect his or her ego, talk to him or her about your perspectives, your experiences, and your feelings surrounding the lie. Try to look at the situation in the context of their perspective, and attempt to understand why they felt the need to lie. Gently explain that you feel very betrayed, and this is painful for you.

Trust is the foundation of love, and you must be able to maintain a healthy sense of trust in one another in order to nurture the lifelong love you both want. Instead, the approach you take should be more strategic, aimed at interrupting his or her patterns of deception.