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Back in the early days of the blog, I wrote about limerence and libido. I argued that problems can arise in long-term relationships for those limerents who have a very tight mental association between erotic desire and being in a state of limerence. This can lead, somewhat predictably, to a loss of erotic connection with your partner, with the endgame being a sexless marriage.

There are three common scenarios:. None of these scenarios are easy to manage. What can I say? The English had peculiar attitudes to sex. Having a partner who still desires you, and tries to cajole you into sex when you are solidly turned off , feels coercive — especially if their frustration and sense of rejection causes them to become impatient and angry. How corrosive is it to self-esteem, to romantic and sexual confidence, to be continually rejected by the person who married you?

Even this person — the one who declared their love for you to the world — cannot muster enough desire to touch you. Every attempt to initiate intimacy leads instead to rejection and shame. Every romantic overture is rebuffed. Enough of that negative reinforcement, and you arrive at the other big intersection between limerence and the sexless marriage: a pressurised tank of thwarted desire that finally bursts open when a new limerent object arrives.

When the frustrated spouse become infatuated, it leads to a multiplication of the marital problems. We want the nourishment and secure love of marriage, but we also want erotic excitement. How can we purposefully respond?