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Made her literary debut in and is the author of several books, including three novels. Blogs on creative writing: www. After spending ten years in Melbourne, had returned to Lithuania and now lives in Kaunas. I just spent ten years in it. My friends ask me why am I missing it—where does this longing come from? But assimilation is not the same as belonging.
A person can belong to the environment and be different than the others in it. Longing and belonging. Is longing a sign of belonging? For me—yes, it is. I felt the longing after I left Lithuania. I was missing something that I left there. It has happened gradually, not in the first year but later, and with time I felt it growing stronger, and I was missing very particular things. I felt the need for my community only when I had lost it. I have started to contemplate my identity or, to be more precise, identities.
Sense of alienation and sense of belonging might be two sides of one coin. They are two states of mind. Words that are familiar to my eye. Words that are not at all original, authentic, or talented. It could be a dichotomy of fatherland and the country they chose to settle down in. It could be a binary of native and learned language.
I continue developing the list: un belonging to any sex, social milieu, profession, religion—could each of these conditions call for an emergence of the third space? Having multiple identities is exhausting—so I was told by a few people, and I agree. To find a refuge in language, to escape the contradictions and necessity to choose one identity—that is an easy way out for me as a writer. I chose not to give up the comfort, depth, or immediacy between my unconsciousness and consciousness that my native language gives me.