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This afternoon the recommendations from a wide-ranging study of our welfare system will be released. I suddenly found myself unable to work and lost my burgeoning economic independence. I was already profoundly upset with my circumstances and the inability to work was a real kick in the teeth.
He was empathetic and professional. I miss him. The days of having the same WINZ caseworker are long gone. Losing a caseworker who understood me and watched my story unfold over the years was an enormous blow. There are some great people working in WINZ, but there are also caseworkers who operate from a place of cruelty.
It can be tense and hostile. I have dropped off documents at my WINZ office while barely avoiding violent client outbursts, witnessed broken people weeping helplessly without any privacy. This makes me painfully aware of how hard navigating our often punitive welfare system must be for anyone without my privilege. I felt like the stigma of being a beneficiary was stamped on my forehead in official red ink.
I began to feel like a failure and as if I had nothing to contribute to society — at least not economically. I want to contribute. I want to study, tautoko support people and try to make a difference. It keeps attacking me and forcing me to take a back seat in my own life.