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Aheka- I search for ndahekai is the negation. I had been acting weird all day. Chara and I knew each other well enough by then, even after only three short months of service, that she knew something was going on.
Later, I found the moment. We were standing in the pitch dark at 2 AM on the corner of her community, waiting for the bus. There was no moon and both of us were staring up at the stars. You could see millions of them and the entire Milky Way was shimmering in a long arc across the sky. You go through your service constantly badgered about having a girlfriend or not.
I still do, but the frustration has died and has opened up to acceptance. I use humor as a reprieve, a way to divert the conversation and take advantage of their laughter to change the topic.
Their family. Anything but that. I was once asked by a customs agent at the border crossing back into Paraguay if I had a girlfriend yet. This was before he asked where I was coming from or if I even had a visa. Your first three months in a small rural community offer a lot of time to think. You get lost in thought. You spend a lot of time alone, in a hammock, trying to escape the heat, but instead weird emotions find you. I respectfully declined.