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Products are independently selected by our editors. We may earn an affiliate commission from links. It was , and my friends and I—all somethings—were huddled around a tiny laptop screen watching reruns of Sex and the City. It was one of the many times in my life when I wondered if I should admit I was still a virgin. But have you had oral sex?
Anal sex? Have you experienced trauma? Are you asexual? Do you have a libido? Are your expectations too high? High enough. Are you doing it for God? I answered these questions and many more until I had sexual intercourse at the age of Like many of my single female friends, I had my own issues—namely longing for unavailable men.
But I consciously chose not to use sex to validate my self-worth or escape my insecurities. But peers questioned my agency. Emba argues that kindness should trump consent when it comes to choosing to have sex—that just getting consent is not enough.
In theory, sex-positive feminism means being empowered to choose when, where, and with whom to have safe, pleasurable, and consensual sex. Instead, women are told that empowerment lies in action, not abstinence. There is little room in the modern incarnation of sex-positive feminism for so-called vanilla sexual tastes. Entire sexual orientations have been invented to include individuals who used to be considered average. Is that actually unusual? This diminishes our genuine connectivity with our body, our true needs, and our self-worth.
