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Posted September 21, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. In their fantasies , heteroflexible couples often idealize the women they want to date and sometimes develop very high expectations for the partners they hope to find. In reality, bi women who want to hook up with a couple are so hard to find that people in communities that practice consensual non- monogamy CNM call them unicorns, rare enough that they are almost mythical.

From a purely sex-positive perspective, there nothing wrong with wanting to have sexual adventures, and a menage a trois is one of the most popular adventurous fantasies — especially heterosexual men. From a relationship perspective, however, dating as a heteroflexible couple can be very problematic — especially in polyamorous context. In some forms of CNM like swinging or fleeting interactions in sex clubs, it is fine to assume that sexual interaction is a momentary adventure for everyone.

In others, especially polyamorous spaces where the emphasis is on relationships, viewing someone as an experience is rude and unethical. Couples who want to date as a unit have earned a terrible reputation in polyamorous communities as unicorn hunters who pollute poly scenes with heterocentrism and couple's privilege.

This first post in a series of two explores the foibles of unicorn hunting, and the second post explains how heteroflexible couples who want to date women can improve their chances of finding a woman to date, and how to treat her right once they find her.