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SA is not a fellowship of only celibate people! Even though I know many married members as well as single members who are celibate, our sobriety definition allows sex within marriage. In fact, many married members of our fellowship actually have sex in marriage and stay sober!
Why is it so difficult to speak about sex in marriage at meetings? Is it a feeling of disloyalty to our spouses? Do we still carry shame about sex in general? Do we think it is unfair to the single members? I personally feel that this topic is important to speak about and to bring into the light. When I was active in my disease, I was sexually demanding with my wife.
When I had 11 months of sobriety, I became frightened that I could lose my sobriety if I did not keep getting progressive victory over lust. This was back in early , and there was no one I knew in SA at the time who had not relapsed during his or her first or second year of sobriety.
Does that mean I have to also? What was I to do? I realized that I needed to do the one thing I did not want to do: to ask my wife for a period of sexual abstinence. I was sure my wife would be aghast at such a suggestion.