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Why do we feel so awkward when someone says something nice to us? Lucy Corry investigates. It might seem a small thing, but accepting any kind of compliment even from a child with a strong bias in your favour often makes us feel uncomfortable.
Why do we self-sabotage in this way? And what can we do about it? Marc Wilson, professor of psychology at Victoria University, says there are lots of reasons to embrace compliment culture. More importantly though, compliments are good for our brains. In turn, this process can help to consolidate learning for example it might help us to remember something. In fact, the Christchurch web librarian says she used to be terrible at it. It would make me feel awful. Moata regularly posts Outfit of the Day OOTD photos on Twitter and has learned to accept and cherish the friendly responses she gets in return.
While people often worry that saying something positive may be misperceived as clumsy or even worse inauthentic, he says research into how people receive compliments shows these fears are generally unfounded. Research also shows that people underestimate how pleased a person is when they receive a compliment. Well, not everyone. Auckland-based leadership coach Jess Stuart says being praised can activate our worst fears about what we believe about ourselves and how other people see us.
I felt uncomfortable getting any because it never happened. It feels foreign and painful at the start, but it gets easier. Being okay with accepting compliments is only part of the equation. People who constantly deflect approval are usually less likely to pass it on to others, Jess says. When you leave a job, people say the nicest things about you, but they never say them to your face before then. Marc says gender makes a difference.
