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Push him off the Alps. Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Swiss Cheese was recently declared the official cheese of the Catholic Church. I met my new neighbor today. Turns out he's Swiss. I told him I'd never met someone from Switzerland before, and asked what he likes most about his home country. He shrugged. The flag's a big plus. Hugh Jackman films a movie in the Swiss Alps and loses his Dell laptop. Just when he thinks it's lost forever, he is grateful to see it found, in the hands of a yodeler who tells him: "Your Dell lay here, Hugh! God created the first Swiss and asked him: "What do you want?

God created mountains for the Swiss and asked him, "What else do you want? God created cows for the Swiss. The Swiss milked the cows, tasted the milk and asked, "Will you taste, dear God? How did the man remove the Swiss Army knife from his rectum safely without hurting himself?

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