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If you're of a certain Millennial age, your childhood was a peak growth period for a lot of key sectors of the American economy — army surplus jackets, the MTV Beach House, and Winona Ryder — but most of all, it was an era of unparalleled production of '90s songs that were too sexual to listen to around your parents. Of course, in those pre-iPod, pre-iTunes, pre-laptop days, where you might have nowhere to listen to your saucy pop tunes besides an enormous family stereo or a crappy clock-radio, keeping your interest in songs with dirty lyrics a secret from your folks was a little harder than it is for today's teens.
Were you willing to turn the radio on on the way to school, and risk having to make eye contact with your mom as a super sexually explicit slow jam played? Was it worth potentially reprising the "frank sexual discussion" she tried to have with you after listening closely to the lyrics of Alanis Morrissette's "You Oughta Know"?
These were the kind of decisions that a '90s kid had to make every day. Make one false move, and your parents would tear through your CD collection, throwing out anything with an "Explicit Lyrics" label, leaving you with nothing but an Ace of Base cassingle and the soundtrack to Addams Family Values. It was really quite stressful. And even though those days are long gone, the lingering impact of listening to the painfully sexy songs of the '90s with your parents still lingers.
Especially if someone plays one of the 14 cringe-inducing songs below at, say, a family wedding reception. Let me know if you're ever able to scrub the image of your parents slow-dancing to "Pony" out of your retinas.
