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Posted September 1, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. This is anecdotal, of course, and I don't have any research to support this claim. But I do have about eight hours of conversations every day with women and men, and what I hear from men in their rare moments of vulnerability is that many of them are driven by a deep fear of incompetence. Or powerlessness. Or any other words that describe the rusty and decaying experience of failure.

She and her colleagues recently completed a study that sheds light on how men experience competence. The researchers gave a group of heterosexual couples writing journals, and asked them to document when they experienced their partners doing something supportive throughout the day.

They also measured the participants' cortisol levels. How does failure impact men's stress? Now, imagine you've had a hard day. You come home from work and your partner is waiting for you. You sit down together, have a glass of wine and talk about the day's challenges. If you're a woman, then this conversation may be very relaxing to you. You may feel calmer and more assured that things will get better. Your stress levels may go down.

Now let's say that you're a man. You come home from a hard day at work. Your partner is at home waiting for you. She pours you a glass of wine and asks you to tell her about your day. You do. But the difference is, the conversation isn't as helpful.