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For scores of cable-television purists across the country, Hallmark has established itself as something of a feel-good pharmacy, its shelves lined with pills and potions in the form of holiday-moored movies helmed by Lacey Chabert and a slew of sexless soap stars. Per Nielsen, the main Hallmark Channel is currently the second-most-watched cable entertainment network of The first?
The outsider—most often a big-city visitor—always decides to stay. Cynical journalist privately nursing a heartbreak travels to an East Coast village for a story? It sounded like, well, a Hallmark movie. Their feelings were complicated and ultimately unreturned. The train to Mystic departs at a. Could my late arrival be the catalyst for some kind of meet-cute?
In the Hallmark universe, definitely. Candy Shop. Oh, well. Plenty of time to stare wistfully out the window and replay the exact moment of my most recent rejection to the mournful melodies of Caroline Polachek. Two elderly women stop eating their lunch to study me from head to toe. To them, I am likely every bit the big-city trope, in six-inch platform boots.
I order a latte and reread the synopsis of Mystic Christmas. The lead, Juniper Jones, a marine veterinarian, returns home to Mystic for a job at a rehabilitation center and aquarium during the holidays and rekindles her long-extinguished flame with Sawyer Adams, a pizza-shop owner. Tale as old as time. Aided by Google Maps, I make my way into town, and an older gentleman proceeds to lay on the horn after I jaywalk in front of his truck.